Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT
'Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.'
Reliability is a remarkable quality. Without it, all of life would implode. No guaranteed transport systems, contents at odds with the packaging description, and so forth. I take that very much for granted. I assume all will work and I live my life according to that assumption. What’s more, when a transport link is delayed or cancelled, I manage it easily and still max out my day.
It would appear trusting God is more challenging. Statements such as “I will neither fail nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5), offer a measure of comfort, but prove more difficult to entrust one’s whole weight to. What if that promise buckles once tested? Yet, this is the resilience of God, enduring from before time to well beyond its closure, we are promised divine support. Journeying with Katey and MS proved a struggle. I wanted to find a positive outcome. Sitting back and relying on God was difficult. It illustrated to me that I just didn’t know how simply to be still. I was wired for action and measured engagement by measurable outcome.
As we realised that Katey needed 24/7 nursing home care, finding the home and entrusting Katey to their care was a nightmare. As I struggled to let go of my control over her environment, I had little real confidence that God still held her close to him. My ‘understanding’ told me that life for her had to be perfect in as much as I designed perfect. Yet there remained obstacles to overcome such as peg feeding (feeding through a tube into the stomach). Here getting the level of feed correct proved challenging to nursing staff. I blamed their incompetence. Why might God let this happen?
Still Katey retained her good humour and eventually everything balanced out. Why did her life take this course? I cannot say. I’m now able to recognise God’s presence throughout. I still ask questions of myself. Am I able to lean upon God in such moments? Is God resilient enough to sustain me? Am I resilient enough to endure with little else but God’s promise to rely upon?
QUESTION: Are you able to lean into God at the expense of your own doubts and fears?
PRAYER: Lord, I trust you, lead the way.